“You are a mature woman, and they mature boys, you understand”

11 Mar

Wuuuuduuuup my non-existent brethren??!

I ‘m good, I’m good. Was accused of being a HOOKER, but yeah, I’m good otherwise. Heh. Let me explain.

I’m back in Hyderabad btw. It’s been more than a month since I moved here. After a decent amount of time chillin like a villain in Kodai, I finally decided to acknowledge two things:

1)      this waiting for it to fall in your lap business doesn’t work

2)      life really doesn’t give a shit about your plans

So I decided to do what sounded all ooh-ish in my mind, but friggin scary in reality: I left for the city with a suitcase in one hand but with no job in the other.

The plan was to crash with my friends  Der Lamb and Evil Genius until I did find employment. As you can probably tell, they be specimens of the male species, and have rented out the top most floor of a two-floored residential house type set-up. I’d stayed with them before so I didn’t really anticipate any problems.  Then again neither did Caesar when he decided to attend Senate on the Ides of March.

It was all fine for a while. I landed this job interview and I have no idea why, but they decided to hire me! (I mean, most of my talents cannot be put on a resume *cough cough*) Anyways so I would leave really early and come back really late (it was a REALLY long commute). Once in a while I’d run into the house-owner who seemed like one of those nice, shy middle-aged types, but as the boys had told him that I’d be staying for a bit, we’d politely ignore each other.

And then one morning, I bumped into Aunty.

She stopped.  Looked at me. I smiled charmingly back. She looked at my hair *first feeling of  foreboding*

Aunty: Yu justa came down the steps eh?

Me: no shit Sherlock Yes, Aunty. I’m going for work.

Aunty: So, yu arre saying, yu spent the night with the boys?

Me: shit shit shit Um. Just for the time being until I find a new place to stay.

Aunty: *stares at me with look of judgment*

Me:* shit shit shit shit  I wonder if this is what it’ll be like with St. Peter…shit shit shiiit*

I hurried out past her and as I have a memory of a goldfish on crack, forgot all about the Incident.

The next morning and who do I bump into, but Uncle. So naturally I give him that polite ‘oh look that dog’s peeing in front of the house again’ nod and made to walk out the gate. And then:

Uncle: Are you living here?

Me:*shocked that he’s actually talking to me* oh, what?

Uncle: *looking at my ear* No, you are staying with Der Lamb and Evil Genius or what?

Me: fuck, should I distract him by mentioning the dog again? “ I’m actually looking for a place to stay, so I’m staying here in the meantime.”

Uncle: *now addressing my feet* Listen, you are mature girl, and they are a mature boys, you know what’s happening”

Me: *completely confused*…sorry,  what?

Uncle: *still addressing my feet* “The house next door also, there was problems, some men they were having these prostitute women, and then police came, and whole thing not nice looking you understand *looks at my hair earnestly* you are mature woman, they mature boys, this scene, it not looking nice.”

Me: feels like sinking into the ground *holy shit he thinks I’m a hooker! I should tell him that I’m n–, or wait, or actually not, the boys might get arrested or something* Yes Uncle, I understand, but we’re FRIENDS, and they’re just helping me out.

Uncle:Yes that is there but what would your mother say? *um, she’s the one who suggested this in the first place* You’re all from different states! *a professional hooker wouldn’t discriminate, I’m just saying* And you don’t know, what if these boys they will drink *haha* and suppose one of them grabs your leg! *so glad that he didn’t catch us when we were literally fighting over the last piece of pizza* We *he glances nervously at the house, confirming suspicion that this conversation was instigated by Aunty* only see you entering in the night and leaving in the morning, it’s not nice, it’s not looking nice.   Please understand *he says in Tamil* you are mature woman *looks at hair*, they mature boys”.

Me: *thoroughly fed up with the mature references without the actual mention of the word sex, insulted/amused at the obvious wild hair connotation, and a little hurt by the fact that he talked to me in Tamil* Yes YES I understand! I’m going to leave before we start grabbing each other’s arms and legs!storms off.

Der Lamb and Evil Genius were sweethearts about the melodrama, and wanted to go and have a ‘chat’ with Aunty Herself, but I persuaded them not to.  I left after a couple of days, and we made it a point to drag my suitcase out before Uncle. I don’t know how many prostitutes he knows who make house calls with their luggage. So now I’m staying in a PG with 3 other girls, and where the food is good.

It’s all the untamed hair’s fault I tell you.

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