Archive | July, 2011

Popcorn Chicken, Rhodesian Ridgebacks & Marijuana Wine

29 Jul

Hello my brethren, how be you? You look a bit skinny, yes, you there, yes you – you should eat more of KFC’s sinful chicken popcorn. Why chicken popcorn you ask?  Well I don’t know, I just had some for the first time the other day. Now I apportion a certain amount of my time for daydreaming everyday to debate about how easy it would be to jump into an auto, drive to GVK and buy a couple (or 10, whatever,  big difference) boxes.  You’re thinking about how lovely it would be to eat some of the crispy, spicytastethatexplodesinyourmouth fried chicken too aren’t you? Mmmmmm… fried chiiickenn.. Muhahahaha, see what I did there? …..Hold on, I think I need to make a call *looks up KFC home delivery online* …

Anyhoo, while I wait for the chicken to make its way to me, I will natter on randomly as I do. In two days, I would have been here, in Hyderabad, for half a year. Consequently I am very homesick. Yes, I know I’m acting like a child. But honestly, do you know how much effort it takes to make a perfect cup of coffee yourself?? It doesn’t help that the weather reminds me of home all the time – then again I believe the heavy rains and dark skies are partially influenced by pathetic fallacy – yes I apparently have delusions of grandeur.

I worry about my dog. He was born in the forest so by nature he’s wild, plus he’s half a Rhodesian Ridgeback, meaning that his ancestors hunted lions in Africa. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of explaining his family history to Toshi one day.  This, I do believe, inflamed and ingrained a deep desire in him to live up to his ancestors’ reputation (also, it is possible that my delusions of grandeur might have seeped into his doggy head via osmosis).

Consequently he has

1) tried to mate with every dog in Kodai (STD or STD free be damned) probably with the intention of being THE father to the next generation of Kodai canines,  thereby allowing him to act as a kindly but controlling Mafia Dog Don in the future

2) treats my house like a refueling stop on his sexscapade (meaning that he turns up, fixes my outraged cook with a you-are-a-subservient-organism-who-exists-to-give-me-food look until she caves, gives him his chicken legs and then wanders away until to spread his seed until the next mealtime)

3) and insists on accompanying any member of my family whenever we leave the house wherever we go to protect us from any lions that might dare to attack us

He’s a silly thing, yes, but mostly harmless, with good intentions and completely adorable, and I worry that he’s going to forget about me and then treat me like a stranger when I go home. I spoke to him over the phone the other day and I’m convinced that he’s forgotten the sound of my voice. Usually my mother reports that he wagged his tail or saw a glimmer of recognition in his eyes after I chat with him (yes I am aware that she could have been lying). This time – nothing. It is even possible that he has somehow confused Fathead and me, and has transferred his loyalty to her – which is even worse.

In other news, someone sent me the recipe for Marijuana wine – just reading it makes me smile something sinister. Be assured that I will report back on its success…or failure.  Until then my brethren, please enjoy this picture of Toshi enacting ‘Death by Bone’.