About

One Response to “About”

  1. eyeseeker January 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    I wonder exactly how close you are to the belief that you and the world are not, in fact, separate entities. I don’t want to do this NOW, slam books and dedications like this are year end affairs because they’re times of golden feelings and all-is-forgiven fawrewells. This is not a farewell, with the internet it’s hardly much of a goodbye. It’s merely a break in the ability to be around your physical presence. It’s also mere days after I fell out of charm with you. I look at you and all I see are adorably silly flaws. Your stubborness – admirable in a way that scares and discomforts non-committal creatures such as I. You self-centeredness – it would be such an addictively warm feeling, to love you as much and as often as you love yourself, but you – rightfully – will push away that warmth from anyone who’s not as passionately devoted to the things that you are passionately devoted to.
    What are the things you are passionately devoted to? Yourself – it’s not your foremost love, but it’s by far the easiest thing to be in love with. Your music – you love depth, and you love happiness in your songs. You love music itself and the way it makes you feel. You love the attachments that come with music – where you fist heard it, where that band plays, which parts you harmonize and which bits got stuck in your head at just the time to create a Memory. You’re…
    The smell of roses in a warm paper bag explodes in your soul when someone you know sings of brings forth music from an instrument, or both. This Is The World As It Ought To Be, speaks a little – alright, possibly more of a medium large – part of your heart. People singing, being musical, living in the vibrations of musical notes in the air. If God was cooler, life would have background music written by every musical writer heaven could find, all available for download at your nearest church.
    No… the background music would be feelings themselves, each note plucked, picked and sung by the people around you.
    Still available for download, happily.
    Dogs. I don’t understand it, but your devotion to them is as strong and as natural to you as your desire to keep breathing. They matter to you. Very strongly. Always. You make it feel like anything other than feeling that way is as deviant as not liking smiles.

    You love people, and the people you love the very bestest are those people lucky enough to be called your friends. You treasure them. You treasure moments, memories, mementos. You treasure their characteristics and things that make them them. There is nothing unique about the way you love your friends – but as to who your friends are, and who you are – that is unique in an ultimate way and your friends define who you are as much(if not more) as who you are decides who your friends are.
    Yeah, take a while to go through that last sentence. It’s a wee bit tricky.
    No, wait, no, there is something else that’s incredibly unique about your friendships – those famous, sentimentally strong or amazingly apt or tediously thought-out gifts you get people! They’re amazing. There is a part of me that is determined to stay friends with you so that I, too, may one day receive a gift. That part of me is woefully disappointed that you’ve leaving before my birthday.
    The rest of me is trying to shut him up, embarrassed about his existence.
    You’re a strong, strong woman, and it worries me that you’re only going to get stronger and stronger(only partially worried, because strong people are eerily intimidating to weak-minded creatures such as I. The rest of me is just really, really, excited about your growing inner strength. Yay you!(please don’t browbeat me up)). It’s because things like compromise, giving up, easy way outs and half way solutions are ridiculous things in your mind. Repulsive, ridiculous silly things. Why Would I Ever Not Get It Perfectly Right? Why Would I Ever Not Give This My All? It’s like it’s a ridiculously stupid concept – for things to be done in any way that’s not right. And I love how you hold that conviction without even knowing what that right even is.
    You love challenges, in all aspects of your life, the romantic on not excluded. You’re like Barney, smiling gleefully at life, exclaiming “Challenge accepted!” to a bewildered universe that wasn’t aware a challenge had even been issued forth. You constantly seek to be a better… everything. Your life is a constant upgrade of the universe, itty-bit by itty-bit.
    A work in prog- oh, hey! I just get that. It doesn’t seem so cliched now that I see it from this angle.

    You’re super-strongly convinced-of-your-convictions side hides a surprisingly voonerable side. Your soul’s got its voonerable bits. Voooooooooonerables!
    It’s surprising what hurts of frustrates you, or what tears you up. I wish I knew more about those. Understood them better.
    And now you’ve got No.3 on your 2011 list, and despite apprehensions you’re excited about it. It’s only the beginning.

    Sometimes I look at you and I see the whole of your life stretched out in front of you, translated into my mind as a single feeling. And I’m jealous. Your life ahead is going to be large, exciting, beautiful, filled with really really good memories like salt fills the sea – you will know where your feet are, and above all, your life will be very, gleamingly golden.
    And you sneeze funny.

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